As adults, careers often don’t go as planned. In this post, we explore how to reassess your path, embrace your accomplishments, and navigate external factors—while remembering that your worth goes beyond your job.
“The path from dreams to success does exist. May you have the vision to find it, the courage to get on to it, and the perseverance to follow it.”
Kalpana Chawla, Indian-American astronaut and aerospace engineer
Adulthood can sometimes feel like one long cycle of lowering expectations. As a kid, we all had ideas of what being a grown-up would look like. For me, I imagined a lot more cake, a lot more faking sick to stay home and a much later self-imposed bedtime. One of the outsized expectations that can be hardest to release or reassess is that of the dream job. Most of us aren’t doing exactly what we imagined would come next after undergrad or graduate school. Many of us haven’t quite reached the goals that we set for ourselves five, ten, maybe even twenty years ago.
So, what do you do? Do you let the dream go? Or does the dream just change? If your career hasn’t taken off like you thought it would, you’re not a failure, and you’re not alone. Here are some mindsets and practical next steps to take between what you’ve already accomplished and what you haven’t yet reached.
Give Yourself Some Grace
First, take a step back. So maybe you aren’t a C-suite senior exec; maybe you aren’t making the kind of money you wrote into your five-year plan. That’s okay. That’s not unusual. Rather than beating yourself up or surrendering yourself to the pit of despair, take a beat and take a breath.
Why not make a list of what you have done? It can feel a little silly—a little woo-woo, perhaps—but that doesn’t mean it’s not a valuable practice. If you give yourself the time and space to reflect on what are likely myriad career accomplishments, you give less oxygen to gnawing insecurities and disappointments. Remember, too, the achievements that are less easily measurable. How many people have you helped through your work? What sorts of professional connections have your forged that have led to meaningful relationships? In what ways does the work you do make the world a better place?
Of course, it’s normal to want more, but don’t let yourself fall prey to the “grindset mindset,” or you’ll risk burnout. Take a break. Reflect. You’re still on your way: we all are.
Consider Environmental and Systemic Factors
When you’re perusing Instagram or LinkedIn, you’re bound to catch a glimpse into the lives of people you perceive to be more successful than you. Someone receives a big award within your industry; someone else goes on a fabulous vacation to the Amalfi coast; perhaps worst of all, someone younger than you gets recognized by a 30 Under 30 program (the horror!).
It can be really easy to blame yourself for the gaps between the people on the other side of that screen and your own experience. And of course, a bit of competition can be healthy, and it can lead to positive things like grit and determination. Perhaps it makes you jump at opportunities you might not have normally considered. But that competition stops being helpful when it verges into self-loathing. Remember: a lot of professional success comes down to good luck, and the workforce in 2023 is a completely different animal than the world our parents and many of our superiors came up in. Changes in the economy, advancements in tech, unexpected trends and even things like climate change and unconscious biases can make the professional landscape unpredictable and unduly harsh. Cut yourself some slack, and don’t be afraid to adjust your timeline or your expectations. It can be rough out there!
What Can You Do?
Once you’ve paused to assess your work and given yourself a break, see how the dust settles. Are you still dissatisfied with your level of success? Do you still long for that promotion or title or industry-specific achievement? Now is the time to turn your attention to what you can do. What aspects of your career advancement are you responsible for? What sorts of professional development opportunities have you yet to take advantage of? What conferences can you attend? What task forces can you volunteer for? The list goes on.
It might be time for a frank conversation with your boss, informed by all the thoughtful reassessing you’ve been doing about your career. It could be that your soul-searching has armed you with a list of areas where you’ve overdelivered or reasons you feel undervalued; maybe it’s reminded you of the skills and talents you’ve consistently demonstrated and given you new insights into how they can be leveraged for both you and your company. All that’s left is to do something.
Take a Leap
There are probably two routes available to you now. You can either seek an internal promotion or look elsewhere for new opportunities. It’s a career truism the most likely way to get a promotion is to apply for a new job, and that may or may not be the case. But the important thing here is to get a sense of what you want, what’s achievable and what the best avenue is for getting it.
Don’t be afraid to toss your hat into the ring for a new role at work, or to reach out to friends and connections who are outside of your organization. Think about if you should take your skills to a new company in the same industry, or whether it’s time for a complete career shift. Remind yourself that the only time limits on career advancements are ones we place on ourselves. Refuse to be limited by what you’ve done in the past and applaud yourself for being willing to go out on a limb and get creative with your next steps.
Remember that You’re More than the Job
Whatever happens, don’t let yourself lose touch with your humanity and the intrinsic value that you carry with you every day. We spend so much of our time at work (and so much of our time out of work thinking about work) that it’s easy to forget that we are people first, employees second. Don’t let yourself discount your many personal successes—and don’t forget to do the stuff that fills you up. Cultivate relationships with the people you love, and take care of your body, too.
Even if we do end up getting our dream careers, a job can only fulfill us so much, and it should never be achieved at the expense of the things that bring us enjoyment and make us feel whole. Wherever you are professionally, I hope you’ll take time to go on a walk, take a trip, read a book, or watch the latest season of The Great British Baking Show. You deserve it.
Andrew Forrester is a writer whose work has appeared in Parents Magazine, McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, and elsewhere. Andrew also teaches English and creative writing in Austin, Texas, and has a Ph.D. in English literature from Southern Methodist University.
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