By Andrew Forrester
Finding ways to alleviate frustration at work can be tricky. Here are some steps to consider when trying to make the most of your situation, even when you’ve had enough.
“Frustration, although quite painful at times, is a very positive and essential part of success.”
Bo Bennett, author and entrepreneur
In every job I’ve ever had, there has been a time when I begin to wonder whether I believe in it anymore – “it” being the department, the company or even the industry itself. Some part of what I’m doing will inevitably begin to feel phony, and being a naturally critical person, I can often turn to cynicism. In that state, everything seems disingenuous or at the very least calculated to annoy me specifically. I begin to second-guess the intentions of my supervisors and to question the sincerity of my colleagues. In short, I become a gloomy, pessimistic person nursing a hundred grievances, and though I’m good at hiding it, I end up miserable.
Unless, of course, I don’t. For me, there is a pathway through the negativity: a recentering that can occur if—a big if—I set aside time to take stock of the work I love to do and why I love to do it. Here are some suggestions for when you find yourself staring down your own tunnel of surplus contempt and professional despair.
Take a Break and Mix Things Up
Whenever I learn a new, successful recipe, I usually end up making it three or four times. And for at least the first two, I really enjoy myself. The uniqueness of the experience still holds its luster, and then there’s the sweet spot, where I start to cook the meal a little more freely, without constantly checking the recipe. But always there comes a time where I grow bored and start looking for greener pastures—or at least different posts on Smitten Kitchen.
We do this all the time. Think about something you once enjoyed that’s now fallen out of your favor. Maybe it’s a song you used to love, a pastime, or a restaurant you put on heavy rotation. Eventually, you overdo it, and you need a break. But if you’re like me, that thing eventually worms its way back into your life. That old song comes back on the radio, or at the grocery store, I think to myself, ooh, I haven’t made that soup in a long time.
Now, a job is not a recipe, but a break can still do wonders. If you’re really lucky, you can take a nice, long vacation to reset and return refreshed. If you’re like the rest of us, you might be able to manage a long weekend. Maybe it’s just an afternoon off, or an extended lunch. If your boss’s hourly expectations are more prohibitive, consider changing up your routine and rearranging the order in which you go about your daily tasks. Treat yourself to a fancy coffee on the way to work or a scenic bike ride when you get home. A little variety, a little breathing room, a little reattuning can all go a long way. At worst, you’ve shown yourself a little love and appreciation. At best, you come back to work with the wind in your sails and a happier heart.
Assess Your Day
But what if it doesn’t work? What if you take the long weekend and come back to the same old grind, with the added insult of having to catch up on what you missed? The first thing to do, after slogging your way through that now jampacked inbox, is to take a step back and look at your daily agenda.
Here’s what I mean: every day, we do small, menial tasks alongside big, important actions. The former can be draining and disappointing, while the latter can bring value to our careers and even our lives. So, take the time to assess: what’s the balance look like, between the menial and the meaningful? How big are the big things and, thinking holistically, how often are you accomplishing them? And what effect are they having on your coworkers, your company, your customers, the world? If you’re satisfied with the answer, then maybe the solution to your cynicism is more about your mindset than anything else. If taking stock allows you to remind yourself of the positive effects of your work, then make it a daily or weekly practice. Train your brain to remember the good you’ve done and are doing, and thus make the tedious stuff worth the time and effort it requires.
Figure Out If It’s Worth It
What if, however, it’s not about your work, but about the work of others? What if your cynicism has less to do with you and more to do with your colleagues and managers? For me, working for someone I don’t trust or respect is more draining than any other job problem. It’s not often you meet someone whose professional role models seem to be Machiavelli and Genghis Khan, and yet . . . I’ve done it. At that time, in that job, I had to ask myself the following question: do I believe in this enough to work for someone like that, or is keeping this job going to tie me untenably to someone for whom I hold no esteem?
The answer to that question is super clarifying. It is so valuable to be able to say, yes, this job matters—it is the work I believe in, regardless of how people may disappoint me along the way. It’s equally valuable to be able to say, you know what, no, this just isn’t worth it. Or perhaps, you realize, oh, I do believe in this, but I can’t accomplish my goals in this kind of climate. It’s this question that can help you decide whether you stay in your job, get a new job in the same industry or shift your career entirely to pursue something new and different.
Look for the Helpers
In times of difficulty, Fred Rogers famously used to say, “Look for the helpers.” Dissatisfaction with your job isn’t necessarily a tragedy on the scale to which Mr. Rogers is referring, and yet the sentiment is still a useful one: looking for the helpers reminds us that there are people out there doing the right thing regardless of whatever badness we’re currently facing. So look for the helpers or for the true believers, for the people doing good, doing the job well or doing it for the right reasons. If you’re surrounded by them, great: link up with those people, figure out ways to work alongside them and commiserate when things feel extra pessimistic. If you realize that there’s a higher percentage of those kinds of folks a few companies down the road, then that’s a sign you should heed. Perhaps it’s time to nudge yourself into something new, whether that’s another organization or something else entirely.
Cynicism is sometimes the easy path, and it can feel like a copout. It can also be telling you something important, so take a moment to listen. Give that cynicism the space to breathe and try to understand its roots. Then respond, perhaps with a small step, perhaps with something big. But do respond. Don’t let it fester. Find a way through—and in any case, you can’t go wrong with listening to Mr. Rogers.
Andrew Forrester is a writer whose work has appeared in Parents Magazine, McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, and elsewhere. Andrew also teaches English and creative writing in Austin, Texas, and has a Ph.D. in English literature from Southern Methodist University.
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