Sometimes, rejecting a job offer can feel like a difficult decision, especially when you worry about the potential fallout. In this post, we explore how to handle the delicate process of turning down an offer without burning bridges.
“Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your inner voice.”
Steve Jobs, Former CEO of Apple
Every time I’ve ever interviewed for a job, I’ve been more or less desperate to get it, either because of a financial need or just a deep desire for something new. With one exception: a few years ago, I made it to the final round of interviews with a new company when I realized that the salary range they were willing to offer me wasn’t going to cut it. I had to do a hard thing and pull my name from the running. I’ll never know whether I was going to be offered the job, but I have a pretty good sense that I, like Marlon Brando, could have been a contender.
Of course, I had a thousand anxieties about my decision. Was I slamming the door shut on what seemed like a wonderful organization? Did they think I was entitled, that I had needlessly wasted their time? And what would happen if I came crawling back one day like a wayward lover, pleading with them to take me back?
Maybe you find yourself in a similar position, staring down an offer on a job you know you can’t accept. If you do end up saying no, here are some tips for going about it in a way that keeps your professional relationship intact and leaves room for future opportunities.
You Haven’t Wasted Anyone’s Time
The first step is to relinquish any feelings of guilt. Maybe you aren’t like me. Maybe you aren’t constantly convinced that everyone is secretly kind of annoyed with you and that causing the barest semblance of inconvenience will set things on an irreversible track toward them writing you off forever. But just in case you are a little bit worried about the fact that people have presumably spent hours reading your materials and interviewing you—and doing so at the expense of other applicants—remind yourself of one simple thing: that’s just how it goes.
When it comes to hiring, rejection is a necessary part of the game. If the tables were turned and you were the one being turned down for the job, you would not be within your rights to accuse the other party of wasting your time. Because, again, this is how things work, and you know this. That being said, there are always ways to soften the blow.
Be Appreciative
Perhaps it’s cliché to thank someone for the opportunity, but it’s a necessary cliché. It’s also the truth. You have been given an opportunity and not just for a potential job. As part of this process, you’ve had the chance to hone your materials, assess your skills and experiences, practice your interview techniques and clarify your wants and requirements. You’ve been able to put your name out there, becoming in the process a known quantity.
Recently, my organization was hiring for a new position, and we saw a name crop up that we all recognized. It was a woman who’d applied for a similar role before, and though she had not succeeded in the first go-round, each of us remembered the warm, appreciative way she had received the news of her rejection. She reached out to each of us by email with a succinct but thoughtful note expressing her thanks for a lovely application and interview experience.
And it seemed like she meant it. This time interviewing, she was a stronger applicant, with a better sense of our needs and expectations. The process had worked as it was supposed to for both of us, and she came out on the other side of things both a better candidate and someone we as a hiring committee already genuinely liked. A win-win.
Be as Honest and Candid as You Can
If you’re lucky, your reasons for declining will be cut and dry. You need a higher salary. Another company offered you something irresistible. You determined relocation wasn’t a feasible option for you.
If any of those is the case, say so. Explain yourself in open, sincere terms. Presumably, you’ve gone through the hiring process in an ethical fashion that has demonstrated your upstanding nature. If that’s the case, no one can begrudge you for choosing the most financially promising job or for deciding that being close to family is nonnegotiable. And expressing these facts candidly has the added bonus of further humanizing you, reminding potential employers that you’re the kind of person with a life and a history—the kind of hire who brings with them not just skills and ideas, but personality and relatability.
Now, maybe things aren’t so easy to explain. Maybe the company culture felt stilted or strange to you, or the job seemed somewhat out of your wheelhouse or area of interest. Maybe, as my kids would say, the vibes were just off.
In this case, I’m not telling you to be dishonest, but I am suggesting that you respond with care. The best explanation, to my mind, is the simplest: “I wish I could make this work, but I’m just not sure now is the right time to make the jump.” This capacious phrase communicates any number of things: perhaps you have personal, private reasons for choosing the less disruptive path; maybe you’re in the middle of something significant at your current job which feels impossible to leave. But honestly, it doesn’t matter what the subtext is. The text is that you aren’t ready to join their team, and as I said before, that’s okay. That’s just the way things go.
Express Your Continued Interest
The most important thing you can do at this moment is to make it plain that you are not saying “never,” but rather “not now.” You are turning down a particular job at a particular moment, and it is vital the people on the other side of the table know that. The easiest way to clearly indicate this is just to say it. “I’ve loved getting to know you and your company, and I remain very interested in future opportunities.” “I’m really hopeful something might work out in the future.” “It’s not goodbye; it’s see you later.”
Whatever your style, it behooves you to make sure that the aftertaste you leave behind is something positive. Remember, they wanted you for a reason, and they’re probably a little bummed to have missed out. Use this to your advantage. Make it clear that, if circumstances were different—when circumstances are different—your answer might look different, too.
Then, if and when another position opens up, one of two things could happen: you apply again, acknowledging the wonderful experience you had in the past, and you enter the field as (Brando again) a true contender. Or even better, you’ve made a memorable enough impression that they reach out to you, putting the ball in your court. As with all relationships, anything is possible as long as you’ve ended things well.
Andrew Forrester is a writer whose work has appeared in Parents Magazine, McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, and elsewhere. Andrew also teaches English and creative writing in Austin, Texas, and has a Ph.D. in English literature from Southern Methodist University.
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